Getting better & learning things along the way

Well, it's been nearly 2 weeks since my little buddy went home.  To be truthful i was pretty torn up over it, and cried for a couple days.   But in all of it what kept me going, was that I knew he was no longer suffering, and it helped me realize that I was kind of being selfish in a way wanting to keep him around longer than he should have been.  

As a side note,  I think that we do this with pets, but even more so with loved ones.  We're so desperately clinging to them in their last moments because we can't bear the pain of letting them go, but when we do finally let them go, its freeing to not be under the bondage of such incredible hurt anymore.  By no means does it stop it from hurting, but it looses its ability to completely consume you with feelings of loss or remorse, or grief.  but instead, feelings of sadness, but peace knowing that the person at the center of this, is no longer bound by the earthly constraints of pain, & the human body.  That realization in itself is freeing.  (in my opinion)

As I wrote in my earlier post, I really believe that God was using this experience to prepare me for dealing with loss,  I would assume because my maternal grandmother is now 81 and has surpassed the family record for age. I'm not saying that I think she's gonna keel over, but hey, it's life we never know when any of us are going to be called home, but we all have to be ready when we get that call.

Letting go of a little friend

Shortly after this blog got off the ground, and found its footing,  a little unexpected friend came into my life, but didn't look like it at the time.   i'll illustrate with a little back-story.   

In 2006 I was dating someone at the time, and this person was an adamant cat-lover,  everything cats.  we ended up owning up to (3) cats at once,  but soon the relationship split, and along with that split, 2 of the 3 cats were taken, and one was left with me.  The one that was left with me, "Noble" as he's called or more playfully "Mr Nobes" became my little companion as I worked with him to correct the years of neglect & mistreatment from his former owners.  

"Mr Nobes" 3-14-2011

He started life, (as I've been told) as an orphaned stray kitten found wandering outside,  no mama cat to teach him the normal things cats do, or anything, just left to fend for himself.  Once found by his previous owners, he had it relatively good, untill they started a family and toddlers ran the house from that point forward.  forcing him to hide under furniture constantly, only to dart out when opportunity arose to get a quick helping of food or water, or to run to his box.

Once in my care,  and in the company of 2 other cats, again he seemed to be the social outcast, neither of the two would socialize with him, and often were aggressive towards him, even for no reason.  so to try to do what was best at the time,  I decided to surrender him to the Animal Humane Society, to hopefully get a better home where he could grow old and be in solitude.   It seems however God had other plans for him,  not 2 days after he was surrendered my ex at the time went & brought him back.   it turns out that was the only good thing to come out of that relationship.  

Once split,  and it was Me & Noble on our own.  he took almost 2 years to fully befriend & trust me to the point where he could sit next to me, or even want to for that matter.  I try not to "Humanize" pets too much because of the grief it causes later on, but he became my little friend,  always having to see where I was, and never out of eye-shot from me.  

Sadly,  over the past couple months, and more so over the past couple weeks his health has deteriorated rather rapidly.  it breaks my heart to see this little animal that almost no one wanted except me, struggle to breathe, and not eat.  or not keep food down when he does manage to eat.  So Today 3-16-2011 i'll be letting him go for the last time, and putting an end to his suffering.  Many tears have been shed over this, and I'm sure many more will be,  i'm not sure on the theology of pets in heaven, and frankly don't care.  What I do know, is that God kept this little cat in my life for a reason, and with each moment that passes I'm starting to think it was to teach me about loss, and grief.  and how to deal with it in a Godly way, and not the worldly way I've been doing for so long.

So, this is my final farewell to my little friend, who did more than I realized, and got into my heart a lot more than I noticed.   Goodbye little buddy, and I'll see you soon.